{"id":12783,"date":"2016-12-17T06:01:00","date_gmt":"2016-12-17T05:01:00","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/master.hudo.com\/si\/2015\/12\/16\/ni-ti-treba-lagati-da-bi-bila-ljubljena-2\/"},"modified":"2016-12-27T10:26:54","modified_gmt":"2016-12-27T09:26:54","slug":"ni-ti-treba-lagati-da-bi-bila-ljubljena-2","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/hudo.com\/si\/lifestyle\/seks-partnerstvo\/ni-ti-treba-lagati-da-bi-bila-ljubljena-2\/","title":{"rendered":"Ni ti treba lagati, da bi bila ljubljena"},"content":{"rendered":"
\n\t\t\t\t\t
foto: Thinkstock<\/figcaption><\/figure>\n

Kak\u0161no ceno ste pripravljeni pla\u010dati za to, da bi bili ljubljeni? Ste pripravljeni tudi lagati in se pretvarjati, da ste nekaj, kar sicer niste, ampak ste mnenja, da to, kar ste v resnici enostavno ni dovolj? Resni\u010dna ljubezen, tista, ki premaga vse ovire, je tista, ki je bolj iskrena. Biti iskren pomeni, da ne izgubljamo energije s pretvarjanjem; biti iskren pomeni biti to, kar smo. Marsikdo se boji, da je resnica premalo in lahko partner za\u010dne iskati ve\u010dje vznemirjenje. Spet drugi se bojijo, da je resnica preve\u010d. Oboji pa se bojijo, da jih bo resnica stala odnosa. To prepri\u010danje je zmotno. Z iskrenostjo se seveda zbli\u017eate s pravim partnerjem, ki bo sprejel vse, kar ste. Pretvarjanje vam lahko prinese partnerja, ampak ta partner bo vzljubil la\u017e, zato so te zveze bolj krhke.<\/p>\n

Zveze, v katerih vlada iskrenost, so trdnej\u0161e<\/h2>\n

Ljudje se pretvarjamo in la\u017eemo, ker si ne \u017eelimo konfliktov in zapletov. John Gottman, raziskovalec Univerze v Washingtonu je ugotovil, da pari, ki se izogibajo soo\u010denjem, ostajajo skupaj dalj \u010dasa. A ti pari so povsem odtujeni. Izogibnje konfliktom namre\u010d ne pomeni, da se par tako zelo razume, ampak, da se preprosto skrivata en pred drugim, ker se bojita resni\u010dne predaje ali morebitne zavrnitve. Bli\u017eino lahko \u010dutimo samo s tistim, ki nas resni\u010dno pozna, resni\u010dno pozna pa nas lahko le tisti, ki se mu odpremo, pa \u010detudi kdaj s tem tvegamo kak\u0161no nevihto, saj so lahko tudi konflikti ravno tisto, kar vaju bo zdru\u017eilo. Na \u017ealost pa je tako, da se najve\u010dkrat trudimo prepre\u010diti konflikte, ker si \u017eelimo biti ljubljeni, ne \u017eelimo si biti zavrnjeni. Komunikacija in iskrenost odpirata ljubezenske kanale, da postane le ta \u0161e silovitej\u0161a. Iskrenost je la\u017eja v odnosih, v katerih je veliko spo\u0161tovanja.
\nO takih, izogibajo\u010dih parih, je Gottman ugotovil tudi, da so na za\u010detku poroke sicer sre\u010dnej\u0161i, kot pari, ki so bolj iskreni \u017ee od za\u010detka. Z leti se je seveda situacija obrnila. Ve\u010dina parov, ki so bili \u017ee od za\u010detka bolj iskreni, z leti poro\u010da, da se je njihov odnos samo \u0161e izbolj\u0161al in utrdil.<\/p>\n

Laganje je stresno<\/h2>\n

Ne le, da vam laganje prav ni\u010d ne koristi pri grajenju trdne zveze, raziskovalci na Univerzi v Kaliforniji so ugotovili, da ljudje, ki vztrajno prikrivajo resnico, pogosteje zbolevajo za\u00a0 prehladi, so bolj utrujeni, pogosteje jih pestijo bole\u010dine, prav tako so bolj nagnjeni k depresijam. Laganje, oziroma neiskrenost je namre\u010d stresna. Resni\u010dna te\u017eava nastane, \u010de partnerju prikrivamo svoja resni\u010dna ob\u010dutja ali del preteklosti, ki nas je pomembno zaznamovala, a bi jo sami najraje pozabili, zato o njej mol\u010dimo. Dalj \u010dasa trajajo\u010d in konstanten stres zaradi pretvarjanja povzro\u010da ve\u010dje te\u017eave. Seveda lahko tudi iskrenost povzro\u010di stres, saj lahko vodi v konflikt. Ampak ta stres je dosti manj naporen, saj konflikt, \u010de ga re\u0161ujemo na pravi na\u010din, vodi do re\u0161itve problema in sprostitve stresa.<\/p>\n

Iskrenost ni kritiziranje<\/h2>\n

Za razliko od resni\u010dne iskrenosti (tako o sebi, kot o odnosu do partnerja), pa se ljudje vse preradi poslu\u017eujemo kritiziranja partnerja. Kritiziranje je podobno iskrenosti, s pomembno razliko. Kritiziranja se dostikrat poslu\u017eujemo , da izpostavimo negativne lastnosti nekoga drugega in prikrijemo morebitne lastne napake in nikakor ne deluje konstruktivno. Ni\u010d ni narobe, \u010de smo kriti\u010dni, \u010de kritiko izra\u017eamo na pozitiven na\u010din, ki vodi v re\u0161itev. Iskrenost je torej lahko tudi negativna. Do tega pride dostikrat, ko smo razburjeni in se na\u0161 sr\u010dni utrip povi\u0161a na sto udarcev na minuto in \u010dez. Tak\u0161no stresno stanje seveda ni primerno za izra\u017eanje iskrenosti, saj izpade povsem narobe. Ko smo razburjeni, postanejo na\u0161e misli zelo pristranske, pade pa raven razumskosti. Iskrenost moramo vedno izra\u017eati spo\u0161tljivo in upo\u0161tevajo\u010d sogovornikova ob\u010dutja. Ko naraste sr\u010dni utrip, ni pravi \u010das za iskrenost.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Tudi ti misli\u0161, da moramo resni\u010dna ob\u010dutja zadr\u017eati zase in da se resnica ne obrestuje? Pri tem gotovo nisi osamljena…<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[1092],"tags":[1689],"source":[1365,1364,1334],"supertag":[],"acf":[],"yoast_head":"\nNi ti treba lagati, da bi bila ljubljena - Hudo Slovenija<\/title>\n<meta name=\"robots\" content=\"index, follow, max-snippet:-1, max-image-preview:large, max-video-preview:-1\" \/>\n<link rel=\"canonical\" href=\"https:\/\/hudo.com\/si\/lifestyle\/seks-partnerstvo\/ni-ti-treba-lagati-da-bi-bila-ljubljena-2\/\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:locale\" content=\"sl_SI\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:type\" content=\"article\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:title\" content=\"Ni ti treba lagati, da bi bila ljubljena - Hudo Slovenija\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:description\" content=\"Tudi ti misli\u0161, da moramo resni\u010dna ob\u010dutja zadr\u017eati zase in da se resnica ne obrestuje? 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