{"id":131093,"date":"2016-09-12T07:33:29","date_gmt":"2016-09-12T05:33:29","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/hudo.com\/si\/2016\/09\/12\/bova-zivela-pri-tvojih-ali-pri-mojih\/"},"modified":"2016-09-20T10:41:57","modified_gmt":"2016-09-20T08:41:57","slug":"bova-zivela-pri-tvojih-ali-pri-mojih","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/hudo.com\/si\/aktualno\/mnenja\/bova-zivela-pri-tvojih-ali-pri-mojih\/","title":{"rendered":"\u201cBova \u017eivela pri tvojih ali pri mojih?\u201d"},"content":{"rendered":"
\n\t\t\t\t\t
Foto: Profimedia<\/figcaption><\/figure>\n

V na\u0161i prelepi de\u017eeli mladi zelo te\u017eko dobijo stanovanjski kredit. \u010ce pa ga \u017ee dobijo, se zakreditirajo za 30 let. Stanovanje sicer lahko najamejo, vendar so najemnine pogosto previsoke za njihov \u017eep, poleg tega pa se pri nas najem stanovanja pogosto ena\u010di z metanjem denarja skozi okno.<\/p>\n

Zato se mladi vse pogosteje odlo\u010dijo ostati v doma\u010di hi\u0161i. Na sre\u010do ali nesre\u010do (kakor vzamete) so na\u0161i star\u0161i gradili ogromne, ve\u010dnadstropne hi\u0161e, v katerih je eno nadstropje po mo\u017enosti \u0161e nedokon\u010dano. Ko se mlad par odlo\u010di za\u017eiveti skupaj in si ustvariti dru\u017eino, se pogosto vpra\u0161a: \u201cBova \u017eivela pri tvojih ali pri mojih?\u201d Uredita si stanovanje pri njej ali pri njem in se vselita. Tu pa se lahko za\u010dnejo te\u017eave.<\/p>\n

\u017de na za\u010detku je treba raz\u010distiti stvari<\/h2>\n

Klju\u010dnega pomena je, da imajo osebe pod isto streho dobre odnose, kar pomeni, da se med seboj spo\u0161tujejo, cenijo svojo in zasebnost drugih, imajo ob\u010dutek za meje in kar je najpomembneje, nesporazume re\u0161ujejo sproti in neposredno.\u00a0\u0160tevilnim te\u017eavam pa se lahko izognete, \u010de se \u017ee pred vselitvijo usedete in se temeljito pogovorite. Star\u0161a oziroma tast in ta\u0161\u010da naj izrazita svoja stali\u0161\u010da, pri\u010dakovanja, \u017eelje, pomisleke in strahove, vidva svoje. <\/b><\/p>\n

Pomembno je, da raz\u010distite naslednje: Bo bivanje pri star\u0161ih le za\u010dasna ali trajna re\u0161itev? \u010ce drugo, so star\u0161i pripravljeni prepisati del hi\u0161e na vaju in pod kak\u0161nimi pogoji? Koliko \u010dasa nameravata ostati? Kako je s souporabo in urejanjem skupnih prostorov in zunanjih povr\u0161in? Kako si boste razdelili stro\u0161ke? Kako je z obiski prijateljev in s prirejanjem zabav, s katerimi bi utegnili motiti drugi druge.<\/p>\n

Zelo pomembno vra\u0161anje, ki pa se mu na \u017ealost najve\u010dkrat izognemo, je tudi vpra\u0161anje medsebojnega obiskovanja. Boste drug k drugemu lahko prihajali kadarkoli in nenapovedano ali boste prej poklicali in se dogovorili za obisk? \u010ce bo obveljalo prvo, potem bo va\u0161a zasebnost mo\u010dno trpela.\u00a0 Ljudska modrost pravi, da se preselite vsaj tako dale\u010d, da ta\u0161\u010da do vas ne bo mogla priti v copatah. \u010ce \u017eivite pod isto streho, bo to seveda lahko po\u010dela, zato je tako zelo pomembno, da \u017ee na za\u010detku postavite meje. To pa mora v prvi vrsti storiti tisti, pri \u010digar star\u0161ih \u017eivita.<\/p>\n

\u010ce so star\u0161i neko\u010d trkali na vrata va\u0161e otro\u0161ke sobe, preden so vstopili, je to dober napovedovalec, da bodo spo\u0161tovali tudi va\u0161o odraslo zasebnost.<\/b><\/p>\n

Meje<\/span><\/h2>\n

Imeti ob\u010dutek za meje v odnosih, pomeni vedeti, kje se kon\u010dam jaz in kje se za\u010dne druga oseba. Kot dojen\u010dki nismo zmo\u017eni razlo\u010diti med svojim in maminim telesom, \u0161ele nekje pri osmih mesecih se zavemo, da smo od nje lo\u010deni. Pri dveh letih so pogoste besedice jaz, sam in moje, pri treh pa se v\u010dasih \u017ee zapremo v sobo, ker si za\u017eelimo malo samote. Do pubertete nam star\u0161i pomenijo cel svet, v puberteti pa za\u010dnemo graditi pomembne vrstni\u0161ke odnose zunaj dru\u017eine. Ko odrastemo, za\u010dnemo vzpostavljati odrasle intimne odnose. Lahko si izberemo partnerja in se odlo\u010dimo za dru\u017eino. Ko enkrat ustvarimo svojo osnovno celico, mora biti ta za nas na prvem mestu. Najprej midva in najini otroci, \u0161ele nato star\u0161i in ves ostali svet. Vsaj tako bi moralo biti. In to bi moralo biti jasno tudi na\u0161im star\u0161em.<\/p>\n

\u010ce pa se med lastnimi star\u0161i in med partnerjem po\u010dutimo, kot med dvema mlinskima kamnoma, potem je to najbr\u017e znak, da se \u010dustveno \u0161e nismo lo\u010dili od star\u0161ev.<\/b> \u010custveno se lo\u010diti od star\u0161ev nikakor ne pomeni, da jih nimamo ve\u010d radi ali da smo jih zavrgli, ampak da \u010dustveno nismo ve\u010d odvisni od njih in njihovega vedenja. Hoffman govori o dveh komponentah \u010dustvene neodvisnosti; podporni in konfliktni.<\/p>\n

Podporna neodvisnost pomeni, da nismo ve\u010d pretirano odvisni od \u010dustvene opore star\u0161ev in od njihove potrditve. Konfliktna neodvisnost pa, da do njih ne gojimo pretiranih ob\u010dutkov jeze, krivde in zamere. \u010ce smo to dosegli in imamo s star\u0161i zdrav odrasel odnos, potem bo \u017eivljenje pod eno streho verjetno potekalo brez ve\u010djih pretresov. \u010ce pa se star\u0161i no\u010dejo odpovedati svoji kontroli, vas \u010dustveno manipulirajo, vi pa jim to dopu\u0161\u010date, se \u017eivljenje pri njih lahko izrodi v pravo \u017eiv\u010dno vojno.<\/p>\n

Kdaj so star\u0161i prestopili mejo?<\/span><\/h2>\n

Tegobe skupnega bivanja z lastnimi oziroma s partnerjevimi star\u0161i posameziki delijo na forumih. Zvenijo pribli\u017eno takole:<\/p>\n

Ta\u0161\u010da hodi v na\u0161e stanovanje in nenehno nekaj pospravlja, \u010deprav je za to nih\u010de ne prosi. \u201cMoram, \u010de pa ste vi preve\u010d zaposleni. Moji vnuki ne morejo \u017eiveti v tak\u0161ni umazaniji.\u201d Priznam, da mi kdaj pride prav, vendar je na dolgi rok katastrofalno, saj to kasneje uporabi kot oro\u017eje.
\n<\/i>
\nMoj o\u010de mi gre blazno na \u017eivce. Stokrat sem mu \u017ee rekla, naj otroke neha filati s sladkarijami, pa jim kljub temu na skrivaj daje bonbone in Kinder jaj\u010dke in tako kupuje njihovo naklonjenost.<\/i><\/p>\n

\u010cutim, da mi ta\u0161\u010da odteguje mo\u017ea. Ob najbolj nemogo\u010dih urah ga kli\u010de, naj pride dol k njej. Enkrat je po\u010dila cev, drugi\u010d je treba zamenjati \u017earnico, tretji\u010d kar tako, ker ji je dolg\u010das in se nima s kom pogovarjati. Njen mo\u017e je fikus; \u017ee 30 let \u017edi pred tevejem in pije pivo. Mojemu mo\u017eu se mama smili, zato ji vedno ustre\u017ee. Ne vem, kako dolgo bom \u0161e zdr\u017eala.<\/p>\n

V zgornjih primerih smo videli, kako star\u0161i prestopajo meje svojih odraslih otrok in njihovih dru\u017einskih \u010dlanov, ti pa jim to dopu\u0161\u010dajo. \u010cetudi zaradi ekonomske stiske \u017eivite pod isto streho s star\u0161i, imate pravico do svoje zasebnosti. Odlo\u010dno jim boste morali postaviti mejo in \u010de je ne bodo upo\u0161tevali, pa\u010d ne morete \u017eiveti pod isto streho.<\/p>\n

Meje pa ne prestopajo le star\u0161i<\/span><\/h2>\n

Zaradi sobivanja pa nemalokrat trpi tudi zasebnost starej\u0161e generacije. Mladi pogosto brez trkanja hodijo k star\u0161em in si izposojajo stvari, ki jim zmanjkajo v gospodinjstvu. Nemalokrat se jim zdi samoumevno, da bodo babice in dedki kuhali in pazili na vnuke, pri tem pa se ne vpra\u0161ajo, \u010de ti mogo\u010de nimajo drugih na\u010drtov ali pa so enostavno preutrujeni. Star\u0161i, nikar ne dovolite, da vas ima mlaj\u0161a generacija za samoumevne. Tudi, \u010de ste v pokoju, to \u0161e ne pomeni, da morate biti vedno na razpolago svojim otrokom in vnukom. <\/b><\/p>\n

Mlaj\u0161i generaciji pa bi rada rekla \u0161e tole:<\/strong><\/p>\n

Tudi, \u010de imate s svojimi oziroma s partnerjevimi star\u0161i dobre odnose, je gotovo bolj zdravo, da oditete na svoje, \u010de je to le mogo\u010de. V\u010dasih je bolje \u201cpo\u017ereti\u201d\u00a0 nekaj sto evrov najemnine, kot pa na tone jeze, krivde in slabe volje.<\/p>\n

Originalni \u010dlanek in \u0161e \u0161tevilne druge najdete tukaj, \u00a0na spletni strani avtorice prispevka\u00a0http:\/\/www.psihoterapija-mr.si\/<\/a><\/strong><\/span>
\n<\/strong><\/p>\n

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Tokrat razmi\u0161ljanje o tem, kako za\u017eiveti skupaj pod eno streho s ta\u0161\u010do in tastom, da bo sobivanje za vse kar se da prijetno.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[1605],"tags":[2577,1689,1473,6291],"source":[2582,1334],"supertag":[],"acf":[],"yoast_head":"\n\u201cBova \u017eivela pri tvojih ali pri mojih?\u201d - Hudo Slovenija<\/title>\n<meta name=\"robots\" content=\"index, follow, max-snippet:-1, max-image-preview:large, max-video-preview:-1\" \/>\n<link rel=\"canonical\" href=\"https:\/\/hudo.com\/si\/aktualno\/mnenja\/bova-zivela-pri-tvojih-ali-pri-mojih\/\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:locale\" content=\"sl_SI\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:type\" content=\"article\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:title\" content=\"\u201cBova \u017eivela pri tvojih ali pri mojih?\u201d - Hudo Slovenija\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:description\" content=\"Tokrat razmi\u0161ljanje o tem, kako za\u017eiveti skupaj pod eno streho s ta\u0161\u010do in tastom, da bo sobivanje za vse kar se da prijetno.\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:url\" content=\"https:\/\/hudo.com\/si\/aktualno\/mnenja\/bova-zivela-pri-tvojih-ali-pri-mojih\/\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:site_name\" content=\"Hudo Slovenija\" \/>\n<meta property=\"article:publisher\" content=\"https:\/\/www.facebook.com\/hudo.si\" \/>\n<meta property=\"article:published_time\" content=\"2016-09-12T05:33:29+00:00\" \/>\n<meta property=\"article:modified_time\" content=\"2016-09-20T08:41:57+00:00\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:image\" content=\"https:\/\/hudo.com\/si\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/2\/2016\/09\/profimedia-0296187293.jpg\" \/>\n\t<meta property=\"og:image:width\" content=\"1250\" \/>\n\t<meta property=\"og:image:height\" content=\"830\" \/>\n\t<meta property=\"og:image:type\" content=\"image\/jpeg\" \/>\n<meta name=\"author\" content=\"hudo\" \/>\n<meta name=\"twitter:card\" content=\"summary_large_image\" \/>\n<meta name=\"twitter:creator\" content=\"@hudo_si\" \/>\n<meta name=\"twitter:site\" content=\"@hudo_si\" \/>\n<meta name=\"twitter:label1\" content=\"Written by\" \/>\n\t<meta name=\"twitter:data1\" content=\"hudo\" \/>\n\t<meta name=\"twitter:label2\" content=\"Est. reading time\" \/>\n\t<meta name=\"twitter:data2\" content=\"6 minut\" \/>\n<script type=\"application\/ld+json\" class=\"yoast-schema-graph\">{\"@context\":\"https:\/\/schema.org\",\"@graph\":[{\"@type\":\"Article\",\"@id\":\"https:\/\/hudo.com\/si\/aktualno\/mnenja\/bova-zivela-pri-tvojih-ali-pri-mojih\/#article\",\"isPartOf\":{\"@id\":\"https:\/\/hudo.com\/si\/aktualno\/mnenja\/bova-zivela-pri-tvojih-ali-pri-mojih\/\"},\"author\":{\"name\":\"hudo\",\"@id\":\"https:\/\/hudo.com\/si\/#\/schema\/person\/601cf3379633985b20f7e50f2bb47707\"},\"headline\":\"\u201cBova \u017eivela pri tvojih ali pri mojih?\u201d\",\"datePublished\":\"2016-09-12T05:33:29+00:00\",\"dateModified\":\"2016-09-20T08:41:57+00:00\",\"mainEntityOfPage\":{\"@id\":\"https:\/\/hudo.com\/si\/aktualno\/mnenja\/bova-zivela-pri-tvojih-ali-pri-mojih\/\"},\"wordCount\":1178,\"publisher\":{\"@id\":\"https:\/\/hudo.com\/si\/#organization\"},\"keywords\":[\"Marija Rem\u0161kar\",\"nasveti za sre\u010dno partnersko zvezo\",\"partnerske te\u017eave\",\"ta\u0161\u010da\"],\"articleSection\":[\"Mnenja\"],\"inLanguage\":\"sl-SI\"},{\"@type\":\"WebPage\",\"@id\":\"https:\/\/hudo.com\/si\/aktualno\/mnenja\/bova-zivela-pri-tvojih-ali-pri-mojih\/\",\"url\":\"https:\/\/hudo.com\/si\/aktualno\/mnenja\/bova-zivela-pri-tvojih-ali-pri-mojih\/\",\"name\":\"\u201cBova \u017eivela pri tvojih ali pri mojih?\u201d - 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