{"id":71409,"date":"2016-06-09T05:03:00","date_gmt":"2016-06-09T03:03:00","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/hudo.com\/si\/?p=71409"},"modified":"2016-06-17T11:30:35","modified_gmt":"2016-06-17T09:30:35","slug":"kako-se-spopasti-s-partnerjevim-varanjem","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/hudo.com\/si\/lifestyle\/seks-partnerstvo\/kako-se-spopasti-s-partnerjevim-varanjem\/","title":{"rendered":"Kako se spopasti s partnerjevim varanjem?"},"content":{"rendered":"
\n\t\t\t\t\t
Foto: Thinkstock<\/figcaption><\/figure>\n

Antropolo\u0161ka in zgodovinska raziskovanja ka\u017eejo, da so v preteklosti \u017eivele skupnosti, v katerih so imele glavno vlogo \u017eenske, katerim so mo\u0161ki slu\u017eili zgolj za razplod in se ni vedelo \u010digav je kateri otrok. Ko je postalo pomembno, kdo bo nasledil lastnino, ki se je skozi zgodovino nabrala skozi razli\u010dne razvojne faze dru\u017ebe, se je obvezno moralo vedeti kateri otrok pripada kateremu o\u010detu, ker so medtem mo\u0161ki prevzeli dominantno vlogo v skupnostih. Ko se je definiralo, da je dedi\u010d nekega kosa zemlje ta in ta, ki je potomec dolo\u010denega mo\u0161kega in dolo\u010dene \u017eenske, je postalo tudi zelo pomembno, da ostaneta partnerja zvesta.
\nNo, to je zelo poenostavljeno napisana kratka zgodovina razvoja dru\u017eine in lastnine. Vseeno \u0161e sedaj velja, da ko si dva obljubita zvestobo, to pomeni, da nimata intimnih razmerjih z drugimi posamezniki. Ker pa smo ljudje krvavi pod ko\u017eo, se v realnem \u017eivljenju soo\u010damo z razli\u010dnimi vrstami nezvestobe.<\/p>\n

Zakaj varamo?<\/h2>\n

Varamo obi\u010dajno takrat, ko v na\u0161i zvezi ni vse tako, kot pri\u010dakujemo, da bi moralo biti. Zelo pogosti izgovori, da je pri\u0161lo do varanja so:
\n–\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 \u017dena me ignorira v skupnem \u017eivljenju in v postelji in se izgovarja na sto in en na\u010din,
\n–\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 Jemlje me za samoumevno, jaz pa si \u017eelim nekaj novega, neznanega
\n–\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 Ignoriranje potreb in \u017eelja eden drugega
\n–\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 Psihi\u010dne in \u010dustvene zlorabe med partnerjema<\/p>\n

Velika ve\u010dina partnerjev kar pozabi na dejstvo, da je varanje posledica neskomuniciranih vsebin, do katerih seveda prihaja v vsakodnevnem \u017eivljenju. Ker sproti ne raz\u010di\u0161\u010dujeta te\u017eav, nesporazumov, se le-ti nalagajo in \u00bbsmrdijo\u00ab. Kot vemo pa se problemi na tak na\u010din seveda kopi\u010dijo vedno bolj in mnogi se odlo\u010dijo, da re\u0161ujejo svoj ob\u010dutek nevrednosti tako, da kompenzirajo svoje potrebe nekje drugje, torej izven zveze, ki postaja rutinska, dolgo\u010dasna in nejevoljna.<\/p>\n

Prevara ne pomeni nujno konec zveze<\/h2>\n

Tako si partnerji poi\u0161\u010dejo sve\u017ee nadomestilo, ki bi jim pokazalo, da so vseeno vredni ljubezni, ne\u017enosti, spolnosti. Pogosto se to zgodi nehote in spontano, ob\u010dutki krivde osebe, ki je prevarala partnerja, so mo\u010dni in zgodi se, da tudi priznajo skok \u010dez plot. Temu sledi vihar v hi\u0161i, drugi zakonec je prizadet, razo\u010daran, besen, izdan in popolnoma nemo\u010den predelati to bole\u010de dejstvo. \u010ce je ljubezen in \u00bbcement\u00ab med partnerjema \u0161e nekoliko trden in \u010de ju dru\u017eijo \u0161e druge pridobitve zveze (otroci, ugled, premo\u017eenje itd), je mo\u017eno, da se tak\u0161na \u00bbprevarana\u00ab zveza ohrani. Seveda je v tem primeru potrebno ogromno volje, razumevanja, strpnosti in \u017eelje, da se razi\u0161\u010de zakaj je sploh pri\u0161lo do prevare.<\/p>\n

Varanje nakazuje, da so v zvezi potrebne spremembe<\/h2>\n

\u010ce sta partnerja sposobna kljub bole\u010dini in jezi ugotoviti, kaj so bili vzroki, ki so pripeljali njuno vezo na rob propada in \u010de sta se sposobna dogovoriti, kaj bosta spremenila, da izni\u010dita vzroke, potem je velika verjetnost, da bosta obdr\u017eala svojo zvezo. Iz svetovanja vem, da so veze, ki so \u0161le skozi vse faze razdelovanja in iskanja vzrokov, na novih temeljih \u0161e bolj trdne in posledi\u010dno zveste, ker se je tak\u0161na zveza morala pravzaprav na novo opredeliti. Ob tem je treba poudariti, da morata oba partnerja eden drugemu odpustit vse tisto, kar ju je raz\u017eiralo in delalo nemo\u010dne spregovoriti \u0161e preden je posledi\u010dno pri\u0161lo do prevare kot, ponavljam, posledice mimobe\u017enega odnosa.<\/p>\n

Dovolite mi, da naveden konkreten primer:<\/strong>
\n\u017dena je nejevoljna, nezadovoljna z vsem, kar mo\u017e naredi, pove, predlaga in ga na vseh nivojih zavra\u010da iz razli\u010dnih vzrokov, o katerih pa nikoli iskreno ne spregovori in mo\u017e v resnici ne ve, \u010desa je kriv in zakaj je obto\u017eevan vedno znova. Tako se spontano zgodi, da najde sorodno du\u0161o, ki je prav tako doma mo\u017e ne razume, jo zani\u010duje in ignorira ter pride do nena\u010drtovane nezvestobe. Ker ima mo\u017e kljub vsemu \u0161e vedno rad svojo \u017eeno, ne zdr\u017ei, da bi ji nezvestobo prikrival in ji prizna svoje dejanje.<\/p>\n

Mo\u017enosti, kako reagira \u017eena sta:<\/strong>
\n–\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 Znori, zme\u010de mo\u017eu njegove stvar na cesto in ga ne \u017eeli videti nikoli ve\u010d v \u017eivljenju, o delitvi premo\u017eenja in o otrocih se bosta pogovarjala preko odvetnika ter pri tem poru\u0161i vse, ne razmi\u0161lja pa o svojem predhodnem obna\u0161anju do mo\u017ea, ki je pripeljalo do nezvestobe. Za to njeno nesre\u010do je v tej varianti kriv zgolj in samo nezvesti mo\u017e.
\n–\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 Oba se streznita in se zavesta, da z njunim razmerjem mo\u010dno \u0161kripa ter za\u010dneta iskati vzroke, ki bi ju rada odpravila. Tukaj je nujno potrebna sposobnost \u017eene, da zmore sprejeti dejstvo, da sta za mo\u017eevo prevaro kriva oba in da odpusti sebi in mo\u017eu pretekla neprimerna dejanja.<\/p>\n

No, seveda je vmes \u0161e nekaj drugih, manj pogostih variant. Zgornji primer je bolj pogost kot obraten (\u017eena prevara mo\u017ea), kar pa se seveda tudi dogaja.<\/p>\n

Avtorica prispevka sem univerzitetna diplomirana socialna pedagoginja in diplomirana socialna delavka Melita Kuhar<\/b>, ki vodim projekt Svetovalnica<\/b>, www.svetovalnica.si<\/a><\/strong><\/span>, dosegljiva sem na tel.\u0161t.031 666 168<\/b>. \u010ce bi se radi naro\u010dili na individualno svetovanje ali me kaj povpra\u0161ali, pi\u0161ite na:info@svetovalnica.si<\/a><\/strong>.<\/span><\/p>\n

Ve\u010d o zgoraj napisanem si lahko preberete tudi socialnem omre\u017eju\u00a0www.facebook.com\/Svetovalnica<\/a><\/strong>.<\/span><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Verjetno ni para, ki se ni v svoji zvezi spra\u0161eval, ali mi je partner zvest. 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